This is the third sermon in a series of messages concerning the biblical view of marriage. It was given on January 24, 2016 at Wayside Community Church.
Written Excerpts:
Genesis
2:18 (NKJV)
And the LORD God said, "It is
not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to
him."
Introduction:
We’ve
started this series of messages on marriage to bring us up to Valentine’s Day,
which falls on a Sunday this year. In
the first sermon I gave a definition of marriage that consisted of several
aspects of marriage that are expressed in Scripture. Since then, I have been
taking each portion of the definition and explaining it in much more detail. Last
week we talked about the fact that marriage was originally designed by God to
be “gender specific.” The concept of marriage in the Bible never implies that the
relationship is intended or even permitted to be of the same gender. Today
I want to move on to the next phrase in the definition that I originally gave
during the first sermon.
Marriage is a complementary partnership.
I
suppose the first thing I need to do is distinguish which form of the word “complementary”
I’m talking about. I am NOT talking about the one that is spelled with an “i.” That
word would indicate that the marriage relationship is filled with compliments
flying back and forth between the spouses as they continually brag on each
other. (Oh,
your muddy footprints look so nice on our carpet. Or - That dinner was so delicious,
you know I used to eat salt right out of the shaker when I was a kid.)
That
is not to say that giving compliments to each other isn’t important. In fact,
they are vitally important to a vibrant, loving relationship. However,
I am talking about the word “complementary” that is spelled with an “e.” Here
is a dictionary definition of the word as I wish to use it:
(Merriam-Webster
Dictionary) …mutually supplying each
other's lack. To me, this seems to be the best idea of how marriage is a
“complementary partnership.”
The
Bible presents a picture of marriage where each partner is not only designed to complement the other, but
each one is also motivated by love to find every possible way to complement
his/her spouse for the benefit of their relationship and their home. In
this kind of relationship, there is no jockeying for power or control. There is
no manipulation of each other to get our own way. It is a team, both working
together for each other’s benefit and for the glory of God.
Let’s
take a look at how this complementary partnership is expressed through
Scripture.
I. The complementary partnership is expressed in
the creation of Eve.
Genesis
2:18, 21-23 (NKJV)
And the LORD God said, "It is
not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable
to (KJV, help meet for) him."
I
think I said this before but after describing God’s creation and declaring that
it was all good, this verse declares that something was not good – that man was
alone.
“helper
comparable” / “help meet” – The word indicates a helper to complement; not a slave
or a supervisor.
Dr.
Charles Carter was a theologian and author who taught at Indiana Wesleyan
University and other educational institutions. In his discussion of marriage he
writes:
(Charles
Carter, A Contemporary Wesleyan Theology, Vol. 1) “Marriage is the only
satisfactory provision for the complementation of the sexes. [The words in Gen.
2:20], But for Adam there was not found a
helper suitable for him suggests the incompleteness of his being and life
as he stood alone to become God’s delegated sovereign over the created natural
order.”
Carter goes on to describe the creation of Eve from
Adam’s side. “…God formed a woman from the very side or flank… of Adam, not
from one of his several ribs the loss of which he would not feel.” (Even though
the English translation uses the word “rib.”)
By making this point Carter is stressing the fact
that much more was taken from Adam than a simple bone in order to create his
help meet.
(Ibid) Another theologian by the name of R. Payne
Smith stated, “She is one side of man; and though he may have several sides to
his nature and character, yet without woman one integral portion of him is
wanting.
“She is something that he once had, but had lost;
and while for Adam there is simply the closing of the cavity caused by her
withdrawal, she is molded and refashioned, and built up into man’s counterpart.
She brings back more than the man parted with, and the creator Himself
leads her by the hand to her husband.”
Smith continues, “At last… he [Adam] found one standing
by him in whom he recognized a second self, and he welcomed her joyfully, and
exclaimed, ‘This at last is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.’”
I
came across a little story where the author was speaking about the mutuality
that exists in the church and he was comparing it to the marriage relationship.
(Illustrations
Unlimited) Another
important emphasis … is mutuality. By our differences we complement one another
in the body of Christ. I think it was in the Reader's Digest I saw the
story about the woman who was away for a few days at a teachers' convention.
Suddenly she remembered it was Monday, trash day, and she expressed her concern
to her friend. But her friend tried to calm her fears, reminding her that her
husband was still at home and he could certainly put out the trash by himself.
But she said, "It takes both of us to take out the trash. I can't carry it
and he can't remember it."
I
think that there are probably a few ladies here today that can personally
relate to this story. It illustrates the ways that husbands and wives sometimes
work together to complement one another, which is exactly the way God originally
made them.
II. The complementary partnership is expressed in
Scriptures that define spousal responsibilities.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (NKJV)
Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each
man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let
the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the
wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over
her own body, but the husband does.
And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the
wife does. 5 Do
not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give
yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does
not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
While
the passage is obviously talking about physical intimacy, there is a more
general principle behind it.
(William
Barclay, quoted in A Contemporary Wesleyan Theology, Vol 1) “Paul strikes a supremely
great principle. Marriage is a partnership. The husband cannot act
independently of the wife, nor the wife independently of the husband. They must
always act together….”
The
passage in 1 Cor. 7 is just one of many examples throughout the Bible where
specific counsel and instructions are given to husbands and wives covering a
multitude of different subjects related to everyday life.
1.
Just as we noted a moment ago in 1 Cor. 7, every directive or instruction that
is given has a more general principle behind it that clearly shows how each
spouse is meant to complement one another and work together. If
we discover the principle, it can be applied in a number of different contexts
and settings, not just in the specific manner described in that chapter and
verse.
2.
When a certain passage says husbands should do… or wives should… it probably
doesn’t mean that the other spouse cannot do it. e.g.
Titus 2:5 – The older women were to teach the younger women to be “…keepers at
home.” (i.e. busy at home or workers at home.) This probably doesn’t mean that
husbands should not do any house work. Ladies,
don’t let your husbands convince you that it is a violation of Scripture for
him to do dishes or vacuum the carpet.
More
than likely it simply means that, as a general rule, one spouse is
designed by God with qualities that are more suited for certain roles than the
other one is. I
know that people who hold more modern values would classify my statement as
chauvinistic, but that’s okay.
As
we read through the Bible and discover the principles that are defined for the
relationship between husbands and wives, we soon learn that there clearly is a
mutual cooperation between them as they fill the roles and responsibilities in
the relationship, in the home and in society.
III. A Complementary partnership does not require
perfect compatibility.
Some
people would conclude from the message today that it is most important for a
couple to be compatible.
I
heard a recorded presentation by a pastor who talked about how the commercials
on TV and other media regarding matchmaking services (e-Harmony; match.com) can
cause some spouses to conclude they “married the wrong person” because they
didn’t take a compatibility test. He
went on to say, “We’ve been taught that compatibility is something we find or
test for, but [instead,] it is something we create. We learn to be compatible.”
It
certainly may be pleasant when we discover that we are compatible in certain
ways with our spouse. However, I believe the biblical model for marriage is for
us to create compatibility in our relationship through mutual cooperation and
intentionally learning to complement one another.
If
a married couple is completely compatible, that probably means that their
strengths are twice as strong, but so are their weaknesses. Therefore,
I propose that our goal should not be so much to marry the person we’re the
most compatible with, but we should find ways to be more compatible with the
person we marry.
Look
around at marriages that have longevity and endurance and you will often find
couples that are opposites in many ways. Yet, in spite of their differences,
they discovered ways to become a partnership and complement one another, and in
the process came to appreciate each other more and more.
Conclusion:
Marriage partners have equal value
before God.
One
of the fears that many people express whenever we begin to speak about roles
and responsibilities in the marriage partnership is the claim that one spouse
is shown more value than the other. The
NT makes is very clear that men/women, husbands/ wives, are equally valued by
God.
Galatians 3:26-28 (NKJV) For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 For
as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28 There
is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither
male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
This
verse emphasizes that all distinctions vanish in the family of God. No matter
what our role or situation is, both husband and wife are equal in the sight of
God. The love of God and the gospel of Jesus is equally available for everyone.
(Draper's Book
of Quotations for the Christian World) “Marriage is that relation between man and woman in
which the independence is equal, the dependence is mutual, and the obligations
are reciprocal.” – Louis K. Anspacher
So, that means your spouse is your sister or brother
in Christ. Therefore, we need to work together on the spiritual growth and
development of each other just as much or more than we work on the day-to-day
responsibilities of work and home.
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