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This is the fourth sermon in a series of messages on the biblical view of marriage. It was given on Jan. 31, 2016.
Written Excerpts:
Genesis
2:23-24 (NKJV)
23 And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And
flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of
Man." 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother
and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Introduction:
I
want to start off by sharing a couple of humorous stories about marriage.
Unknown
Author – I was escorted to a wedding by my twenty-four-year-old
bachelor son. He appeared unaffected by the ceremony until the bride and groom
lighted a single candle with their candles and then blew out their own. With
that he brightened and whispered, "I've never seen that done before."
I whispered back, "You know what it means, don't you?" His response:
"No more old flames?" (Illustrations
Unlimited.)
A golden
anniversary party was thrown for an elderly couple. The husband was moved by
the occasion and wanted to tell his wife just how he felt about her. She was
very hard of hearing, however, and often misunderstood what he said. With many
family members and friends gathered around, he toasted her: "My dear wife,
after fifty years I've found you tried and true!" Everyone smiled approval,
but his wife said, "Eh?" He repeated louder, "AFTER FIFTY YEARS
I'VE FOUND YOU TRIED AND TRUE!" His wife scowled as she shot back,
"Well, let me tell you something—after fifty years I'm tired of you,
too!" (Illustrations Unlimited.)
Over
the past few weeks we have been talking about some of the biblical principles
for marriage the way God intended. We’ve
covered these two principles so far:
Marriage Is Gender Specific We
believe the Bible teaches us that marriage is one man with one woman for life.
We didn’t have time to go into the matter of monogamy vs. polygamy, but we did
talk about the gender issue.
Marriage Is a Complementary Partnership We
believe that the emphasis in Scripture is for husbands and wives to complement
each other – each one making up for the weaknesses of the other, working
together as a team and as a partnership.
Today,
we are going to discuss the next principle of marriage:
Marriage is the complete union of two
personalities.
Some
have emphasized the idea of union or oneness strictly in the sense of physical
intimacy implied by the phrase, “one flesh” that is stated repeatedly in the
Bible. However,
I believe that there is plenty of evidence in the Bible to show that the union
is more than merely physical. I believe that the union between a husband and a
wife is spiritual, emotional and physical.
Some
people believe that spouses need to maintain their distance in order to make
their marriage last. If they’re apart, they don’t fight as much, they say. If
they’re together only short periods, they don’t have time to get on each
other’s nerves, they say.
Rodney Dangerfield is a comedian that I don’t know
much about but I read that he said this: — We sleep in separate
rooms; we have dinner apart; we take separate vacations. We're doing everything
we can to keep our marriage together. (Phillips'
Treasury of Humorous Quotations.)
The
sentiments expressed by his comment, whether he was joking or serious, is not
the sentiment that is expressed in a Christian marriage. For
our time in the Word this morning I want to share various Scriptures and
explain how they demonstrate the unity that should exist between spouses in a
marriage.
Let’s
start with the most obvious one first…
I. Becoming one flesh
Genesis 2:23-24 (NKJV)
23 And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be
called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24 Therefore
a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and
they shall become one flesh.
There are at least 6 places where this phrase is
quoted throughout the NT. When we understand this verse in the context of the
creation story, God brought the man and the woman together to be joined
together in one flesh in order to populate the earth. Even though populating the earth is the primary
purpose mentioned in the creation account, the Bible clearly teaches that the
physical union between a husband and wife is also designed for their pleasure and
for strengthening their love and commitment overall.
I am from the “old school” in the sense that I always
want to be careful what I say in a mixed company like this today. I believe
that some topics are best discussed in private or at least in smaller group
settings. However, our society is saturated with all the wrong
messages about sexuality, and if we don’t talk about it from a biblical
perspective our children and youth grow up with all the wrong ideas about it.
Sexuality was created by God, and He created
everything good. But the devil is bound and determined to destroy every good
thing God has made. Physical intimacy or Sexual intimacy was always part
of God’s plan for husbands and wives and the Bible is filled with explanations
of boundaries that God has set for this relationship in order to keep it sacred
and special.
Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage
bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Remember what we’ve often stated in the past, God
didn’t give us boundaries to restrict our freedom or destroy our happiness; but
rather to guarantee them. If we insist on living outside the moral boundaries,
it has a detrimental effect on us in dozens of ways.
Physical union is clearly distinct from the union of
soul and spirit, but they are all tied together. By that I mean that having a
physical relationship with someone always involves the spirit and emotions,
unless a person has defied God’s boundaries so long that their soul and spirit
has become hard as stone.
There is so much that can be said on this subject, but
let me just say this before I move on: Young people, you need to realize that
sexual intimacy was created by God to be experienced and enjoyed with your
spouse. If you choose to violate those boundaries, there’s no way to predict
the heartache that awaits you down the road in your life.
II. Becoming one soul
Last Sunday I mentioned the pastor who talked about
people watching commercials for these match-making websites, and they get the
impression that there is one soul-mate out there somewhere that is perfectly
suited for them if they will only “take the test” and find each other. Those spouses who may not be as fulfilled in their
marriage as they once was or had hoped to be, may think they’ve “missed” their
“soul-mate” because they didn’t “take the test.”
Well, this pastor said, and I believe the Bible
indicates, that a “soul-mate” is not necessarily a person you have to “find,”
but a soul-mate is created by sharing years and years of common experiences,
mutual care and respect.
Malachi
2:13-14 (NKJV)
And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the LORD with
tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor
receive it with goodwill from
your hands. 14 Yet you say, "For what reason?"
Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with
whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
This passage uses the word “companion” to describe the
relationship between husband and wife.
“Companion” – This is a feminine noun and this is the
only place it is used in the OT.
(TWOT) The main idea of ḥābar
in the OT is "to join or unite" two or more things. However, the root
idea of the term "to bind" also appears, especially in the concept
"charm." ….
The verb ḥābar in the
sense of "join" is used with four specific references. 1) Objects were joined together, e.g.
curtains in tabernacle… shoulder pieces in… the priests' holy garments… wings
of the living creatures touching one another (Ezekiel 1:9). 2) Men were joined together in
political and military activities… 3)
Men are joined in a general manner as belonging to the race of the living (Eccles.
9:4) and in a specific way as a group of people who are formed into a strong
unified city (Psalm 122:3 “Jerusalem
is builded as a city that is compact together.”). 4) Men of Judah wrongly joining with faithless Israel in military
and political ventures (2 Chron. 20:35) displeased God... God's heartrending
complaint against Ephraim is that he is joined to idols (Hosea 4:17 "Ephraim
is joined to idols, Let him
alone.”). To be joined to idols means to have forsaken God.
All of these nuances certainly imply that the word
“companion” carries a strong message of bonding and union between husband and
wife that goes way beyond physical intimacy.
Listen to another passage in the NT that seems to
have something to say about the union between the husband and the wife that
goes beyond mere physical unity.
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV) 7 Husbands, likewise,
dwell with them with understanding,
giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of
life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
To “dwell with understanding” and to “give honor” to
the wife, means that a husband needs to learn a lot more about his spouse than
he ever dreamed he needed to know. It clearly involves much more than mere
physical attraction and satisfaction of biological desires. Both women and men are complex individuals that are
never easy to figure out. It is important that we bond emotionally and
intellectually to truly experience the joy God intended for marriage.
Men, as the Scripture states, the effectiveness of our
prayers depends on how well we understand and honor our wives. And, having an intimate knowledge and understanding of
our spouse is a life-time pursuit. It is a life journey of bonding together in
our very heart and soul.
III. Becoming one spirit
Finally, husbands and wives are united in spirit.
To be united in spirit doesn’t necessarily mean
Christian faith. We are created by God as spiritual beings, so the union even between
non-Christian spouses still has a spiritual dimension. It includes that part of us that is intangible,
mystical yet clearly inseparable from our overall personality. However, as we speak of the spiritual union today, we
do so from the point of reference that husband and wife are Christians and
therefore, the spiritual aspect of their union is clearly related to their
faith in Christ.
There are a number of references that pertain to this
aspect of the union.
2 Corinthians
6:14, 17 (NKJV)
14 Do not
be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has
righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 17 Therefore "Come out
from among them And be
separate, says the Lord. Do not
touch what is unclean, And I
will receive you."
This
verse has been used by a lot of people to denounce marriages between Christians
and non-Christians. Well,
you probably already know that neither the verse nor the context is specifically
talking about marriage. Yet, the principle that is taught here definitely can
be applied to marriage. When
both husband and wife have a vital relationship with Christ, then they have a
spiritual bond between them that nothing else can provide.
In
addition to this text, we find elsewhere some general commands about prayer
that can be applied to marriage.
1 Timothy 2:1 (NKJV) 1 Therefore I exhort
first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all
men, (Context
is prayer for civil authority.)
James 5:16 (NKJV) 16 Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray
for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous
man avails much. (context of church life)
Yet, what better person to confess to and have the
prayer support from than your spouse? Almost
every morning I pray with Kris and she prays with me. I can’t tell you how much
that has enriched the spiritual bond between us. Just the very act of asking
God to protect, lead, and bless your spouse gives an added perspective on who
he/she is – not just your husband/wife, but a person you deeply care about who
is in need of God’s grace and love another day.
Conclusion:
After
all we’ve said about the union of two spouses in spirit, soul, and body, I want
to close the message today by taking this concept and applying it to the church
as the Apostle Paul did. Paul
explicitly stated in Ephesians that the kind of union that exists between a husband
and wife is the kind of union that exists between Christ and the church.
We’re
obviously not speaking about physical/sexual intimacy in this context. But
there clearly is a spiritual and emotional union with the Lord. And as we bond
together with our Lord, the Bible makes it very clear that we are to bond with
each other as members of His body and His bride.
All
of the NT references that specifically define the kinds of compassion, care and
concern that Christians should exhibit toward each other reveals their union
with Christ Himself. Paul
said that the kind of love and care that a husband has for the wife is “like”
the love that Christ has for His church. And, practically speaking, Christ
expresses His love for His church through the hands and feet of His church
members.
To
have stronger marriages, we need stronger unions of spouses in body, soul and
spirit. To have stronger churches, we need more unity between Christians, and
stronger union with the head of the church, Jesus Christ.
Let
us close the service today by singing the two songs that are listed in the bulletin: Bind Us
Together / Blest Be the Tie that Binds
Let’s sing these songs as a prayer and a testimony,
not only for husbands and wives, but also for members of the body of Christ.
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