Biblical Principles for Marriage - Part VI

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This is the sixth and final message in a series of messages talking about biblical principles that help define God's view of marriage. This sermon speaks about the bond of love that holds the union together, and it was given on Valentine's Day - February 14, 2016.

Written Excerpts:                  The Bond of Marriage is Love

Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her

Introduction:

As I have stated for the past 5 weeks, Focus on the Family organization encouraged churches and pastors to use this day to honor marriage. Marriage has been under attack in our culture, and by government decree, it has come to mean something that probably most of us never dreamed it would include. We’ve been doing a series of messages about marriage in which we have been trying to explain different principles that comprise a biblical definition of marriage.

Today, we are going to conclude the series by first of all looking at a passage of Scripture that speaks specifically about honoring marriage. Then, we are going to take the rest of the time to talk about the final principle that defines marriage.

I.      Marriage is to be held in honor.

Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV) Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

A. Statement or command?

The very first phrase of this verse is constructed in Greek so that it can be interpreted as a statement of fact (marriage is honored/honorable) or as a command (let marriage be honored).

Many Bible teachers I consulted understand it to be a command. In direct opposition to the standards and trends of the current culture, the author of Hebrews is raising a standard of morality here and affirming that marriage ought to be honored among all people. It was a direct answer to both extremes of morality that was common in that day.

On the one hand, there were those who upheld a very ascetic or Spartan lifestyle that viewed physical intimacy as something evil and morally impure. But the apostle is boldly proclaiming the opposite to be the case. On the other hand, the society was rampant with those who practiced all kinds of sexual immorality. For those people and for the Christians who had become lax in their moral standards, the apostle was reminding them to give honor to marriage.

B. Give marriage its due.

“honor” – depending on the context, the word means to value, pay tribute money, or esteem.

The biblical author is urging his readers to raise marriage up to the level of esteem and worth that God originally intended. Going against the standards of the world, he proclaims the “marriage bed” (physical intimacy within marriage) is to be kept “undefiled” (unsoiled).

(Lenski New Testament Commentary) - The defilements that dishonor marriage are fornication, which dishonors marriage in advance, and adultery, which dishonors marriage after it has been entered into.

Let us move on to finish the principles of marriage that we have been exploring each week.

II.    The bond of marriage is love.

Two weeks ago we presented the principle that marriage is the union of spirit, soul and body between two people – husband and wife.

We suggested then that marriage is not merely about two people who have completed the necessary paperwork to legally live together as husband and wife. There is an additional element in the union that glues the two together – genuine love.

We can’t talk about marriage, especially on Valentine’s Day, without bringing up the subject of love.

A. What is love anyway?

I’m sure most of us have heard about the three kinds of love defined by three common Greek words, eros (erotic, sensual, lust), philia (family, affection, kindness and compassion toward), and agape (divine love, self-sacrificing, unconditional). Out of the three, eros is the only one that is not mentioned in the NT.

In the books and articles written by people, I suspect there are probably just about as many different definitions of love as there are authors, maybe more!

Love is that funny feeling you feel when you feel that you have a feeling you have never felt before.  (Phillips' Treasury of Humorous Quotations)

Well, that clears it up doesn’t it?

The Bible certainly has a lot to say about love, some of which we will be looking at shortly.

 (The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia) - While the Hebrew and Greek words for "love" have various shades and intensities of meaning, they may be summed up in some such definition as this: Love, whether used of God or man, is an earnest and anxious desire for and an active and beneficent interest in the well-being of the one loved.  Different degrees and manifestations of this affection are recognized in the Scriptures according to the circumstances and relations of life, e.g. the expression of love as between husband and wife, parent and child, brethren according to the flesh, and according to grace; between friend and enemy, and, finally, between God and man.  

(Pocket Dictionary of Theological Terms) - ….Many Christian thinkers suggest that the essence of love is unconditional giving of oneself for the sake of others.

B. Christians are commanded to love.

There are various passages in the Bible that instruct Christians on how and when to demonstrate love.

Love God; Love our brother (fellow Christians); Love our enemies; Love our spouses, etc., etc.

Today, we want to remind you of a text in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”

Some people don’t really understand what it means to love. I read a story about…

A woman was suffering from depression, so her concerned husband took her to a psychiatrist. The doctor listened to the couple talk about their relationships, and then said, "The treatment I prescribe is really quite simple." With that he went over to the man's wife, gathered her up in his arms, and gave her a big kiss. He then stepped back and looked at the woman's glowing face and broad smile. Turning to the woman's husband, he said, "See! That's all she needs to put new life back into her." The clueless husband said, "OK, Doc, I can bring her in on Tuesdays and Thursdays." (Illustrations Unlimited.)

How does a husband (or wife) love their spouse?

The passage of Scripture that was read earlier in the service certainly provides some insight.

See 1 Cor. 13.

The passage begins by affirming the importance of love. It is so important, that any other gallant effort attempted amounts to nothing (zero) if it is not accompanied with genuine love.

After that opening, the apostle describes all the qualities of genuine love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NKJV) ⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Let's read the passage over again from the Amplified Bible for an expanded meaning of the text.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (AMP) ⁴ Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. ⁵ It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. ⁶ It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. ⁷ Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

Listen to these definitions that various authors have offered, which were published in, Draper's Book of Quotations. Most of them really describe what Paul was talking about in 1 Cor. 13.

C. S. Lewis – Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.

M. Scott Peck – Love is an action, an activity. It is not a feeling.

Margaret Anderson – In real love you [desire] the other person's good. In romantic love you [desire] the other person.

Joseph Fletcher – Erotic [love] and philia love are emotional. Christian love [agape] is an attitude, not feeling.

Madeleine L'Engle – Agape love is... profound concern for the well-being of another, without any desire to control that other, to be thanked by that other, or to enjoy the process.

Thomas à Kempis – A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.

Conclusion:

In closing, let me remind you that the union of a man and woman in spirit, soul and body is held together with the bond of love. It includes romance and feelings, but it is so much more than that. The Apostle Paul says it’s the same kind of love that God has for us.

The Supreme Court of the United States recently affirmed what the loudest voices in society have been saying, “You should be able to marry the one you love!” However, the imperative of Scripture is, “Love the one you marry!”

Remember, in some cultures, the marriages were somewhat, if not totally, arranged. This would have been true in the OT and possibly for the areas where Paul wrote his letters.

(Manners and Customs of Bible Lands) - Orientals would say that husband and wife love each other, because God through the parents, selected them for each other. In other words, the usual Oriental idea is that love comes after marriage.

In this arrangement, there was little or no opportunity to have a romantic kind of relationship prior to marriage. There was no such thing as “infatuation” or passion (except in the case of Samson). However, those situations did not release the spouses from the command to love, especially for the husband to love the wife. (Presumably because she didn’t have as much choice in her marriage partner as he did.) I believe that Paul is saying, if husbands will love their wives as Christ loves the church, which is the kind of love described in 1 Cor. 13, then the wives would reciprocate with mutual love and respect.

Finally, this love we’ve been talking about is only possible if we have the presence of God and His love in our hearts.

Oswald Chambers – There is only one being who loves perfectly, and that is God, yet the New Testament distinctly states that we are to love as God does; so the first step is obvious. If ever we are going to have perfect love in our hearts we must have the very nature of God in us. (Draper's Book of Quotations)

Let us end the service today by singing the hymn that is listed in the bulletin: A Christian Home